Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
