It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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