just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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