I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize