I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
