He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
