i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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