Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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