Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
