if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Small penises have feelings too.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
