And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize