I'm lost and stupid without you.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
