Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
