Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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