Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Send help, water and tortillas.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
