I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
