I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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