I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Girls should come with a carfax report
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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