im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
