mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
