Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize