I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
