She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
