i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
