everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
