Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i already hear my dad disowning me
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Randomize
