she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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