So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
