i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
