thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
