Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize