just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
