her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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