the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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