I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
