Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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