I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
