it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
