the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
