Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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