I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
