i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
They took my balls.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
