I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
