omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
