Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
