I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
