I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
