I skipped work to stalk him.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
