the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
