Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
