She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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