i wish my penis had a tongue
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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