coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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