you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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