just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
