MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
