we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
