You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
