Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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