..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
