Porn is love you can see.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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