one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
