If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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