Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
