hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize