Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
