I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
