Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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