I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I can text with my tongue
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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