I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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