There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize