How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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