Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
