$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
