nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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