Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
