do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize