i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
