He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
