so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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