wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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