I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
