im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
