They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
