You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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