we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
