the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
