I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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