Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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