Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
