gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
