I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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