The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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