I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
