I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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