I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
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